“Of sarees and wedding gowns,
Of cheerful faces and few frowns,
Of broken hearts and love stories
Of a relationship that must dwell in peace.”
With love in the air and the season of wed locks, one just cannot stay unscathed from the spirit of marriage. From the day we start gaining senses of worldly demeanor, we dream about getting married. We think of soul mates and partners for life. For that is what we see around. Our parents, relatives, social circles and let us not forget the movies that make you gooey in the heart and weak in the knees.
The reality seeps in when we actually get into a marriage or see a close relation into one (where we are the receptor of daily dose of information of all the highs and lows of a relationship).
Let me list and explain what I feel marriages are usually described as (to be hinging on), by the wise around us. And the truth which is always unsaid.
Trust: It would wander (read, innate human nature of uncertainty and self-doubt)
Love: Might fade away as you get too used to each other or might change meanings (change of priorities, attractions, the want of new or finding too many differences to be stitched together)
Procreation: Can happen without getting into wedlock (if you bother of swaying tongues, you can adopt or hail science and technology). Plus do you really feel that your genes are worthy enough to be passed on or do you feel that you are mature enough to raise another human life which can make some significant contribution into the world? Or do you feel the need to have another life dependent on you?
Togetherness: You need space to grow (even vegetation does) you cannot be so close to each other that you stop to breathe. Togetherness if taken too literally can make you claustrophobic and one of the partners might fallout!
With the little marriage experience (four years and counting) I have and whatever understanding I have gathered as an individual, this is what marriage is about:
– Responsibility: Be under no dreams about this. The responsibilities multi fold. Especially in India where you don’t get married to an individual but to his/her entire ecosystem (family). Their values, their identity, their beliefs, and each small habit (yes, as meager as toilet habits, idea of spending a weekend, how to dress etc.)
– Appreciating the differences: Bollywood flicks have many songs that have couples sing “Ek jism, ek jaan hain hum” (One body, one soul we are). No you are not! We are individuals. What we do is not what we can expect from anyone else on earth. We cannot impose our ideas and beliefs on others. We can definitely find common grounds but don’t ever think of changing personalities or marrying someone who is a carbon copy of yours (trust me you don’t want to handle your clone unless you are a narcissist!)
– Companionship: this means different things to different people. But it is about having someone you can speak to without being hesitant about being judged. Someone who is around to share moments of life, both happy and sad. Someone you can speak to about your whims and fancies and the stress that stalls you. Someone to share a cup of tea or coffee in talking silence.
– Growth: I believe that if you are not growing as an individual in a marriage, it is not for keeps. The day we stop growing and depend on someone else for every other thing in life, we veg out. Growth is the fuel for life. You cannot run out of it.
There are several ideas and emotions that we can talk about, of the equation of a married life. The list would be endless. But the fact remains that marriage is not about living a life of dreams. It is definitely a life to experience – a life to accelerate your growth, a life to enrich your soul and making your quest of existence easier.
Life is a dance when there are two to tango.
Are you single, or married or somewhere in between? What do you think about the institution of marriage?
Note: Today my writing is inspired from things i learn from my observations and readings. Learnings from own surroundings. I have also penned my thoughts as a poetry about the traditions or societal norms that we are caged in, read here. I hope you enjoy it and please share your thoughts that strike you as you read. Thank you!