Ego is one of the most heinous human emotions I have ever experienced and I guess as we grow older the ability to bend down goes downwards like an inverted arrow. The higher the position, experience, knowledge down goes the ability to accept a difference in opinion.
But what we do not realize is that how a moment of insanity to satisfy our ego can destroy the best of any sort of relationship. I am not saying that they get damaged beyond repair but more often than not they do.And that’s what happened to me when few weeks back I was going through this phase of burning emotions, but thank god none of the relationships involved got sour because I think in that moment of insanity I became sane for 15 minutes, yes that’s it!
I have realized that most of the times in such cases the answer is laying right in front of us but we tend to overlook it because we are blinded by the emotion which becomes too stronger at that point in time. And oh, I forgot Ego never comes alone it takes two to tango – anger and impulse. The mind plays the most unfair game with us “the accused – the victim”. The victim perpetually thinks that he/she is right and the accused is doing the most terrible things on earth to him/her. Why my boss gave that promotion or that extra increment to my colleague, why mom gifted that fancy phone to the younger sibling when she didn’t even need it, why always I have to break the ice after a quarrel and why my spouse can’t, and so on and so forth. I am sure all of us have always experienced something or the other out of this. Though the nature of situation might be different the solution stays the same.
When you are stuck with such situation, how do you feel when you get up in the morning? Tired, lousy, irritated, low on energy? I know the answer is yes. Have you wondered why? No matter how bad we feel about our mistreatment , we are humans, and we dislike unpleasant situations, esp when the accused is someone you had cared for or respected. We fail to predict that if a hand of friendship is extended the probability of being reciprocated with the same gesture is often very high. When in such a situation, take a quick moment and think, would you like to get up every morning thinking how soon the day would end before it even starts? If the answer is no, give the situation a shot and invite the accused for a discussion. I know you would hate me for this but trust me it works! Always assure yourself for once that if this doesn’t work you will not be the accused as you atleast tried to sort this out.
Think of the good things the accused has done to you. It works magic; half of your anger will dissolve there. You would realize that after all, the accused has not been that bad to you! Maybe you were just overrating the situation
Never, Ever have a cross discussion. Take turns to vent frustration. If you are the first to go just tell the accused to hear you out without interruption and if you are the second to go hold your words in your mouth for your chance to come
Let each justify or explain. Often we assume things based on what we perceive however the other might just be thinking quite opposite
Last but not the least jot down the points or make a mental note of points of disagreement and in the end check them as and when you arrive on an understanding.
Communication is the most powerful tool; if done well it always avoids chaos and a if a few words missed; it can wreck havoc. My learning from one of such situations in the beginning of this year was:
“The toughest of situations are often resolved by simplest of discussions”
This assures that none of the hurt parties leaves scathed.